I feel that I am between worlds – with one foot in the grave and the other grasping tightly to life. Navigating a terminal illness is fraught with challenges, both physical and metaphysical. It’s a constant battle between living life on my terms and confronting the inevitable. I've delayed cancer treatments for a while now, choosing instead to spend time traveling and embracing new adventures, attempting to stave off the inevitable.
Now that treatments have begun, they impact me in ways I feared – increased fatigue, hot flashes, and pain from the injections. Travel required focus and discipline, which I gladly embraced. Yet, the same willingness to endure treatments eludes me. Why? Why am I not as invested in the path to recovery? Intellectually, it’s a no-brainer, but emotionally, it’s a struggle. This conflict encompasses strategy, a loss of control, fear, and anxiety, but it also reaches deeper into the metaphysical realm of existence, purpose, and the essence of being.
The Joy of Travel
Travel offers immediate joy, fulfillment, and a sense of accomplishment. It distracts from cancer, providing a break from daily struggles and creating lasting memories. There’s a metaphysical aspect to travel; it’s a journey not just across physical landscapes but also through the landscapes of the soul. Each destination, each experience, feels like a reaffirmation of life’s vibrancy, a way to touch the sublime, to connect with something greater than the self.
Despite travel’s challenges – heat exhaustion, bronchitis, AMS, and HAPE – the associated positive emotions and excitement kept me motivated. Travel, with its trials, felt like a rite of passage, a test of spirit. Each new place, each new culture, adds to the tapestry of my life, enriching my soul.
The Burden of Treatment
Treatments, in contrast, lack immediate rewards. They bring side effects and discomfort, making emotional investment difficult because the outcomes feel distant and uncertain. The metaphysical struggle here is profound. Treatments symbolize a fight against the encroachment of death, yet they strip away the autonomy and spiritual freedom that travel embodies.
Control and choice play significant roles in this existential struggle. Travel allows freedom to decide where to go and what to do, empowering and motivating me. It’s an assertion of my will, a declaration that I am still the master of my destiny. Treatments, however, are imposed upon me, reducing my sense of control and making engagement with the process harder. They are a constant reminder of mortality, of the body’s frailty, and of the inescapable nature of death.
Coping Strategies
A problem without a solution becomes an obstacle. So, let’s not make this an obstacle. Here are coping strategies for the next three months of treatment:
1. Project Approach: Turn the treatment process into a project with objectives, goals, and milestones. Celebrate each small victory. View each milestone not just as a medical achievement but as a spiritual one, a step towards reclaiming life.
Example: Keep a journal of each treatment session, noting down small wins such as improved energy or fewer side effects. Celebrate these moments with a favorite activity or a small reward.
2. Find Joy: Seek small moments of joy and positivity during treatment. Work on publishing Book 2, start Book 3, engage in woodworking projects, and spend time with loved ones. These activities are affirmations of life and creativity, ways to connect with the metaphysical joy of creation and connection.
Example: Dedicate an hour each day to writing or crafting, using this time to immerse yourself in the creative process and find solace in creation.
3. Mindfulness and Relaxation: Practice meditation, deep breathing, and gentle exercise daily to manage stress and improve emotional resilience. Embrace these practices as spiritual disciplines that ground you in the present moment and connect you with a deeper sense of being.
Example: Start each day with a 10-minute meditation session, focusing on your breath and visualizing a peaceful place you’ve traveled to, grounding yourself for the day ahead.
4. Visualize Success: Visualize the treatment as a path to the next adventure. Remind yourself that the goal is a better quality of life. Picture future moments of health and happiness, fueled by the strength and perseverance of following through with treatments. See this struggle as a metaphysical journey towards healing and wholeness, where each day is a testament to your will to live fully and deeply.
Example:*Create a vision board with images of places you want to visit post-treatment, moments you want to share with loved ones, and milestones you aim to achieve, keeping this visual motivation prominent in your living space.
Embracing the Journey
Living between worlds is a profound and challenging experience. By embracing both the physical and metaphysical aspects of this journey, I can find strength and meaning in the midst of adversity. Travel enriches my soul, while treatment fortifies my body. Balancing these elements, I strive to live fully and deeply, navigating this path with resilience and hope.
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