There are times when I wonder how much more I can handle. Fatigue, so draining and constant, strains my ability to complete even the simplest tasks, often taking three to four times longer than before My frustration at being unable to pick up something—due to my growing weakness—only amplifies my sense of helplessness Sometimes, I resort to ‘MacGyvering’ solutions to move or lift objects on my own. There’s always a way; it just takes time to figure it out
There are days when all I want is to sit, either writing or simply taking in the beauty around me, but even that comes with consequences. My edema kicks in, and before long when I look down on my feet and legs, I see that they are swollen, making it difficult when I do get out of the chair to walk. It’s a catch-22. Severe edema complicates everything: it makes movement difficult, leading to reduced mobility, muscle weakness, and joint stiffness. So, when I do get up to move, it is with difficulty. There is also the lingering worry of what the edema will do to me, in the long run. This Edema is a symptom of another underlying condition I have, namely heart disease. Prolonged swelling can increase the risk of developing blood clots in the deep veins of the legs, which can be dangerous if they travel to the lungs, causing a pulmonary embolism. And these only fuels the frustration. Can’t even sit for long without worrying about bad things.
The other day, while working on a project, frustration overwhelmed me. I was angry—angry at myself for no longer being able to do what I once could, for lacking endurance, for needing constant breaks. And I was angry at the cancer for taking all of this from me. I’m not one to wallow in self-pity, but yesterday I did.
As I often due, when I reach a level of frustration, I break away from what is causing the frustration and find a comfortable place to read. I find reading helps calm me down. This lead me to reading an article in The Times, written by Laura Freeman, about a remarkable individual named Alison Lapper. She is an accomplished artist, author and photographer, who was awarded the MBE (Most excellent order of the British Empire). The thing is, Alison was born without arms and with shortened legs. What this woman has accomplished in her lifetime, makes me feel entirely different, now.
Why does it take someone else’s challenges to make us reassess our own? I guess, for me, it reminds me that the human spirit is unbelievable. It can accomplish great things, when motivated. When I think about Alison—her struggles, her resilience, and what she’s overcome to become who she is—I’m in awe. She is a great example of someone who has accepted her condition and moved ahead despite it—or perhaps because of it. Whatever the reason, she has accomplished more in her life than most have. She reminds me of the old saying “Your strength is not in your circumstances, but in how you choose to respond to them.”.
I need to keep reminding myself to accept what I have and make the most of it. When I remember to do this, I find a sense of inner peace. Acceptance brings relief—relief from the constant struggle of denial and resistance. This acceptance often allows you to focus more on living in the present moment, appreciating the time you have, and finding meaning in your experiences. Additionally, acceptance can foster resilience, helping you to adapt to new realities and challenges with a more balanced and positive outlook. It can also enhance connections with others, as you may be more open to receiving and giving support, deepening relationships with loved ones.
Now that I have reminded myself of the importance of acceptance, I am ready to head back to that task, this time accepting that this will take me longer, that I will take the needed breaks, embracing the moment and the beauty around me, before proceeding. Proceeding not in frustration, but with the knowledge that I can and will do this.
Comments